Random

So far, today is pretty decent. I'm getting the feeling that I might feel a bit restless as the day progresses, though. At least my youngest (read: most difficult) groups don't get to come in today. Unfortunately, my own computer doesn't work (blue screen of death), so my next groups will be even more cramped than usual...and then when they're gone, I couldn't play mind-wasting games to pass the time. I want to try and fix the problem with my machine, but the last two machines I've tried reinstalling Windows on have been sitting here collecting dust with NOT WORKING signs on them since June.

I've knitted two whole catnip mice bodies this morning, though, so that's something, eh? I really enjoy knitting them, actually, which is a huge surprise to me. The putting together of them, though, is another story. I don't like sewing knitted things together. But if I knit a whole slew of them, we'd always have some to give away or to bribe the cats with, you know? I bet that FFUR could always use a few mice for the kitlets they rescue.

Dude...the teen boys today were singing. Not unusual as all the kids like singing around here, but you know what they were singing? Michael Blunt. And Daniel Powter. Hee hee!

Cover the Children's Eyes...She Wants to Post!

Thank the gods the blogathon blogging is over. If you're so inclined, you can still sponsor us for the next two-ish days, though, but I am sooooo glad to be done blogging about being tired. I always do that, though--I feel witty and irreverent for the day part of the 'thon, and then when the middle of the night hits, I realize that I have nothing worthwhile to talk about, and since I prefer things off the cuff anyhow...well, it's all about the constant whining, I guess. Next time, I need to remember that having stuff to write about is faaaar preferable to being timely or whatever. Yeesh.

Right now, I've got pizza in the oven. Since I stopped eating cheese, I've stopped using pre-prepared pizzas, and I really like using different types of crust and seasonings to get something new and tasty. This time, it's one of those dough in a tube crusts with your usual pizza sauce and cheese (real for Sarah, fake for me). It's a nice, easy dinner any time. While we were at akaqueenie's new and fabulous new place on Friday, I spied what I thought was a much more logical, simpler menu for the week than I have ever done (my method being to find specific recipes and write down the page numbers from the cookbooks and then give up a few days later because it's too much work). It was a list of each day and a general meal--pasta, salmon, chicken, etc. Why didn't I think of something like that? I think I'm going to give it a try so I can roll with the punches and make the fooding during the week go a lot more smoothly.

The mousie knitting has recommenced, and it's coming along nicely. I promise I'll stop giving updates soon, though. I want to get pictures of all the things I have either on the needles or in purgatory somewhere and get them up so I can start making a real dent in them. It would be so cool to see some progress somewhere in my daily life, you know? That would rock.

And I want to make and send out some care packages. Since I've been coming out of at least the social part of my funk and trying to reconnect with folks, I've thought more and more about how I used to just send things to folks. Caitlin's also a bit of an inspiration as she so often sends out gifties to all of her loved ones and special people. I want to make my special people remember again how special they are.

Anyway, I'm in a good mood, but I'm getting rambley, so I'm going to finish my Diet Dr. Pepper and play some Mah Jongg and leave you all be for a bit.

Blogathon--Happening at a Computer Near You!

Don't forget about the Blogathon today. Come check us out!

Bullet Pointed

• While we were driving back from our excursion with Mac at Linvilla this past weekend, we rode through south-west Philly. It was our distinct pleasure to be led for several blocks by a young hobbit-like creature on a bicycle, who, upon not paying attention and turning into the lane (the only lane) in front of us, decided that at the tender age of, perhaps 9, it was best to greet us repeatedly with his middle finger. We were so touched that despite our being tailed rather impatiently by a black SUV with tinted windows (in the hood--you do the math on that one), we would huddle nervously in our seats and hope that he would not pay attention and pedal into oncoming traffic. Alas, 'twas not to be.


• On the bus this morning, as I made my way, with great tardiness, to work this morning, a woman with several children sat down next to me. Her son said (in that voice that children who don't get the concept of quiet seem to think is quiet), "Mama, I don't want you to get poked." And the mother said, "I'm not gonna get poked. What're you talking about?" And the little boy said, "I don't want you to get poked. Look behind you!" And she looked to see me knitting away on my sock, and she said, "I'm not going to get poked. She's knitting." This didn't calm him though. "But you might!" So the mom and I chatted briefly about knitting and crocheting, and all was good in the world.


• The source of my recent crop of inexplicable bug bites has been determined. It seems that I have an extended family of noseeums living in or around my room, and they find me very tasty. So now we know why I have like fifty itchy bites above my ass crack. Woot!


• My mother called last night and left me a message. She wanted to know how to spell both cats names and wanted a picture of me and Sarah and the kitlets. Apparently, Grandma and she decided to submit us to the woman in our family who keeps track of the family geneology and makes pages for each person and updates them upon marriage or the birth of children. Interesting, no?


• Yesterday, I finally got far enough in my landscape shawl to start doing the next pattern section. And then I promptly dropped several seed stitches back to their yarnover inception and now have to rip about a dozen rows back to fix the problem. I can't tell you how excited I am.


• There is much fruit to be cleaned, prepped/cooked, and consumed very soon. So this evening, I will be chopping strawberries, making raspberry cake and a blueberry/peach crumble, freezing some blueberries and peaches, cleaning some cherries, and cutting up a waterlemon. Yes, I just said waterlemon. Deal.


• The blogathon is this weekend. Thanks to Rebecca and Holly and our two anonymous donors for your rockin' support. Hopefully, we won't disappoint you with any drivelly posts. We would love it if anyone else wanted to sponsor us. Remember--all kinds of kitty-related goodness awaits you if you give! Either way, be sure to check us out!

Nasty Thieving Little Hobbitses

That, or some variation on it, is how I shall henceforth refer to the children I teach. A most positive turn of perspective, no?

I was bringing a trial sized bottle of lotion with me to work to combat the effect of summer (hiss) on my skin. I took it out of my bag and used it, and then I left it on my desk as I had for months prior to that morning. I had two groups in here, and then lo and behold, the lotion was gone. The prospect of having been robbed crossed my mind, but I'm clumsy sometimes, and I give folks the benefit of the doubt.

Today though, my chapstick is missing (not my AWESOME chapstick--a generic one). And I found the plastic chapstick label torn under my desk. So, putting two and two together, I have to assume that I am being visited by a nasty thieving hobbit who is either a teen or between the ages of 9 and 10. Grrrr!

Yes, it's my own fault for leaving these things on my desk. But who steals someone else's chapstick?!

Unfortunately, this is just one more reason for me to absolutely loathe them. Most of these kids make me want to bang my head into a nail-studded, broken-glass-covered brick wall. They are so bloody insolent.

I just wish I could think of a particularly sneaky, underhanded way of getting back at the little jerk. Grrrrrr.

I Can Do Anything

And I might just know what it is that I want to do. Maybe.

Sarah paperback swapped a book for me, because I really have no motivation and no idea what I want to do with my life. I have no idea what will make me happy with what I'm doing.

So I've been doing some thinking because of some of the stuff in the book and because of my reminisence about times in the past when I have been happy and felt motivated. You know when I was happiest with what I was doing? When I was writing.

I spent all of my adult life wanting to write and believing that there was nothing else I wanted to do, and then when I came up against some resistence (internally, in the form of writer's block, and externally, in the form of a very unsupportive asshole of a mentor), I just gave it all up. So imagine my surprise when the author suggests that I imagine my idea of heaven as a job would be, and I think of being mostly my own boss, writing for several hours every day, and having a guilt-free evening to enjoy whatever I wanted. When I was doing FURSCA that first summer, I remember feeling really jolted and unhappy when I couldn't write for a day because someone was visiting or because we had decided to do something special.

And while I realize that I am not within actual grasping distance of that goal job, I know all about how to get there. The journey to that life is actually a lot less terrifying than the thought that I had recently been entertaining about going back to school for my Ph.D. I would have to start from scratch to get there, because I never focussed on literary analysis the way I did on being a better writer. Discussions about books were, for me, all about absorbing the writing and the methods used to achieve certain things. That stuff was always amazing to me.

I'm not saying for sure that this is where I want to go, but it really feels right in a lot of ways, you know? I can write. I'm good at it, and I liked doing it, so I'd like to start looking in that direction again.

Peace Chain

I've always believed in the power of positive thought. Not in the 'if you believe it, you can achieve it!' sense, but in the good energy can do good things way. So blessings and prayers and well wishes and good karma are all good things in my book. And I'm asking you all for a little of it.

This will probably sound a little silly to some folks, but ah well. My favorite restaurant, Sahara Grill, has a bunch of really great people working there. They are all nice and helpful and generous, and they have more than earned my repeat business with their kindness. They have a pretty small staff (a few guys in the kitchen, the owner, and three waitstaffers total...maybe a few others, but not a lot of people). One of the guys who works there has been visiting family in Lebanon since last month, and when I asked about him, they told me that he was okay and that he was trying to get out of the country.

So I'd like to ask you guys to send some good wishes his way. He's a nice guy, and I know there are bigger things to be concerned about related to the whole conflict, but I know him, and everything starts small. That area and all the people over there can use good wishes and positive energy right now, and I really think that anything that one person doesn't need starts spreading itself around. So what have you got to lose?

Apocalypse Now

This didn't really seem like a trend until last night, but I've been having some weird, apocalyptic dreams of late. I only remember two of them with any degree of clarity, but I remember there being at least four total, and they started within the past two weeks.

The two that I remember have both involved the World Trade Center, somehow, but not the WTC that was involved in 9/11. Similar in grandeur and destructability, but in different cities (the first dream was in Chicago, and the last one was a generic Any Big City, USA). Last night, the WTC was completely destroyed, and even though it was a relatively small loss of life and property (relative to the world's population), the whole world was going to end. And all of us knew it.

In a lot of ways, it was like Neville Shute's On the Beach, which I read last month. For those not familiar, the book takes place in far southern Australia after a massive WWIII nuclear war that obliterated everyone in the northern hemisphere and sent a radioactive fall-out cloud on down to surround the rest of the world, killing everyone else in its path. So the characters knew they only had a few months to live, and they came to terms with the end of the human world in their own ways.

So after the destruction of this place, we were all aware of our imminent demise, from what, I don't know. Only we only had a few days left, at most. I was in a corporate setting, wearing a business suit, and everything was in this state of orderly panic.

Where are these dreams coming from? If it was just the one from last night, I would say that the dream reflects my unease over the current conflict between Israel and Lebanon and the general unrest that exists all over (and my lack of faith in our leadership here and in places abroad). But since it's been longer, what do you think? Death usually signifies an impending change. Following that, does the prospect of imminent human extinction suggest a looming MASSIVE change to end all changes? What do you think? I'd love some input, as though I am pretty good at dream interpretation for others, I am not so good at it for myself.

Blogathonning our Little Hearts Out

It's that time of year again, folks. Time for the Blogathon! A day filled with lots of posting and hopefully, lots of fundraising.

This year, Sarah and I are blogging together at bloggingforffur.blogspot.com, and we're blogging for a local organization run by several friends of ours called FFUR (The Foundation for Feline Urban Rescue). Our little bundle of fluff, Maddie, was rescued by FFUR (she led the wild life of a kitty gangmember during her kittenhood, remember).

FFUR's members rescue feral and abandoned cats and provide them with medical care and a 'foster home' until they can be linked with a home of their own. They feed feral cat colonies, and they take cats from those colonies, have them spayed/neutered, and release them back into the colonies. They do a lot of stuff. And because the organization is so small, they need a lot of help. Vet bills aren't cheap, and simply housing cats is not cheap. So we want to help cover some of those costs by raising money for them.

So of course, Sarah and I are asking for your support. Any amount of money will be greatly appreciated--anything at all that you can afford to give. And if you can't afford to give, boy do I understand. Don't feel guilty...it's an expensive world. Since we wanted a gimmick to get more people to give (and it's always nice to receive something in return for one's generosity), we've decided to bribe you offer you a lovely cat-related gifts if you donate. You can read about them all here. Sarah included pictures and everything, so why mess with a good thing, eh?

Basically, we'd really like your support. If you're interested/able, please go here to sponsor us.

15 Posts

Because I think it an amusing challenge, I'm going to set a posting goal from now until the end of the week. Prior to this post, there are 60 posts on this blog, and by end of day Saturday, I would like to reach 75 posts. I've been wanting to post, but I'm lazy, and I need some kind of motivation in my life these days. Pleasing children? Hells no. I whine and bitch with the best of those little snipes. Finishing more knitting projects? Well, I knit some every day and every night. I'm working on a bunch of projects, so I'm making progress on a bunch of smaller things, which means no finishing. That's fine. But I could be posting about it, couldn't I? Damned skippy, I could!

Mostly, I'm just bored at the moment. I'm taking lunch, and there's only so much you can do online over and over and over. I'm becoming fickle like the kidlets. Sigh. Spend too much time around them, and their evil kidliness will rub off on you. Or something to that effect.

Perhaps I should post links to some of the fun games I learn about from them. Most of them are pretty cool, but they're all great time-wasters. If I was smart, though, I'd be writing a novel or something instead of playing stupid kid games. Ah well.

Anyhow, this post makes for 61 posts. 14 more to go.

Pensive

Feeling bunches better today. And the funny thing is that I wasn't this morning. Every time I woke up last night, all I could think was that I didn't want to go to work today. I really don't like this summer camp thing most of the time. But I'm sure you gathered that if you've stopped by before.

There's just a lot weighing on my mind. I'm not really happy with my life, my lack of friends, my lack of motivation and future plans/goals. I'm not where I want to be, but paradoxically, I can't think of where that is. Many days, it's Ireland that I think of, but most days, it's just not here. I'm unsatisfied with the way my life is going, and I keep slipping in and out of depression. At least I feel good today.

I wish I knew what I wanted. What it is that would make me happy or feel fulfilled. When I look back on the points in my life where I felt the most whole and okay with the world, I see two very different perspectives. The first was the summer before I went to Ireland. I was doing FURSCA and living (mostly alone) on campus. I cooked, had friends over, had a schedule, and was very productive. All was well and little brought me down. The second was the spring of 2003 in Ireland. I was depressed, but I was motivated and felt like aside from the mixed-up unhappiness in my heart and head, everything was perfect. The only similarity in those two situations is freedom. I planned my life and answered only to myself. I worked damned hard because I wanted to, and I accepted the consequences when I didn't. Everything was okay. Everything was going to be okay.

But I'm not there anymore. Instead I'm stuck and unsure of what's next. I mean, there has to be more to this life than yarn. Why is it eluding me?

:(

I'm really unhappy. I wish I had more to say.

Warm-up!

Five things in my fridge
- Kiriuk (Cherry) and Framboise (Raspberry) Lambic (happy Belgian beer!)
- cherry jam from Traverse City
- Diet Coke (I've rediscovered my passionate love of the stuff)
- Goddess dressing
- shredded carrots

Five things in my closet
- my crappity memory box which needs to have its contents transferred to my new, un-crappity memory box
- my peace Chucks
- all of the black pants I loved throughout college that I can now fit back into but which are not yet comfortable for wearing
- lots and lots and lots of hoodies
- cat prints (i.e., huge, unmovable patches of fur left by prolonged cat sloth in the same area)

Five things in my purse
- AWESOME lime chapstick from Duross & Langel (have I mentioned how much I love them? and how AWESOME all of their stuff is?)
- which is why I have some of their lotion in my bag too...
- frequent buyer cards for Rosie's Yarn Cellar, Cosi, Duross & Langel and the yarn shop in Seattle that wasn't all high falutin (So Much Yarn? I can't recall the name of the good one...)
- my iPod (full of about 30 back episodes of Quirky Nomads and Chub Creek podcasts 'cause I haven't listened to anything in a long while...)
- a pad of paper fer jottin things

Not Really a Countdown...

...but there's only one more month of official summer camp as of today. And I need this shit to be over with. I'm so tired of the insolence and the power struggles and the CONSTANT WHINING. They know me, and they like me well enough--I get hugs and smiles and waves when I pass--but this is just who they are, and it makes me incredibly sad. And frustrated. And tired. I want to take up drinking. Very heavy drinking. Were Will not two hours away, I think I'd bug him to go for happy hours most days of the week. Ye gods.

And for those of you who managed to check out the ol' blog last time, welcome to the new site. I'm back where I should've stayed. Word.

Other than that, it's a bit of a break even week so far. I learned how to knit toe-up socks (for non-knitters, usually, socks are knit from the cuff down...toe-up socks have lots of advantages), so I bought an excessive quantity of appropriate needles (three sets, in addition to the 2 I already had...) and cast on for a lot of socks. Whoo! And that's the goodness. You read the not-so-goodness. Anywho, Simpsons is on, and food is ready for eating. Woot!