A Year Summed Up Quite Pithily--2005

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Ate Vietnamese food.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept a few of them, and I am not making any this year. I'll do what I want and improve what I want, and that's that.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.

5. What countries did you visit?
That would be a big ol' none.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
More focus. More self-control and self-respect.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I can't think of any. Isn't that sad? Life is far too short to have a completely immemorable year falling in the middle of it.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I learned how to knit in the round. Which really indicates to me that I need to achieve more in the coming year.

9. What was your biggest failure?
My utter inability to give a shit (e.g., I hate my job but don't do anything about it).

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I thought so, but it turned out to be nothing.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Well, we didn't buy this, but we acquired it, and I think it was the best thing we got in 2005--Maddie. She's such a little ham.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
I realise that this is a little odd coming from me, but I think that at this second, I have to say that all the military folks who're out there doing their jobs for a country that doesn't appreciate them enough and that sees them as somewhat disposable and faceless.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
I said it last year, and I'll say it again--GW. It's nice that he's owning up to some major fuck-uppery regarding Iraq, but I'm incredibly dubious of him in general.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Useless crap, food, and perhaps yarn.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I can't think of a thing.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
Since the year was pretty much immemorable, I can't say that I will associate any specific songs with it. But I think that Green Day resounds pretty heavily in my musical memory this year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Maybe happier.
b) thinner or fatter? I honestly think I'm about the same.
c) richer or poorer? Much, much poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Knitting. Going out. Establishing stronger ties to people.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Sitting on the couch watching television. Working.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Entertaining the (not) in-laws. Hopefully, numbing my irritation with an obsessive, incomprehensible amount of cooking.

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
Not exactly. But I did not fall out of it, either.

23. How many one-night stands?
0. I would hate to have any reason to tally them up at the end of a year. How trashy!

24. What was your favorite TV program?
The Apprentice.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Um, certain higher-ups at work have joined my list of folks who make me want to grumbly-growl like Sideshow Bob when he steps on the rake and gets smacked in the head. And I hate a lot more of the people in this city for their self-righteous egomania.

26. What was the best book you read?
Lighthousekeeping by Jeanette Winterson was very good.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Tegan & Sara. Oh, how they rock my world.

28. What did you want and get?
Another cat.

29. What did you want and not get?
A dog (which is not something I can have, and I am aware of that, but I can still want one).

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
It's kind of obscure, but the only movie that really, really resonates with me after an entire year of movies was Nobody Knows. It was so profound in the simplest of ways.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I worked, had a lovely dinner from one of our favorite pizza joints and chocolate cake made by my best girl, got a box of yarn and some other great gifties and a lot of e-cards, and watched the penultimate episode of The Apprentice. I am now 24.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Aside from world peace (duh), being debt-free would have been great, and so would have been finding a new, enjoyable job.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Sloppy. Very fucking sloppy.

34. What kept you sane?
Sarah, a couple of amazing kitties, and my ability to make something out of two pointy sticks and some yarn. Oh, and The Donald. Always The Donald.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I heart The Donald, but I can't say that I fancy him.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Locally--the SEPTA strike (unions rock!). Nationally--I suppose the general issues that keep coming up regarding personal rights and freedoms and how they are becoming less right and free. Internationally--honestly, the quake in Pakistan and India because no one in America (or much of the world) seems to give a shit at all, and that makes me really, really sad.

37. Who did you miss?
My grandparents and my friends.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Judith! You all don't know her, but she's a friend of one of Sarah's friends, and I think she rocks.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
Corporate America doesn't simply not value me, but it doesn't respect me either.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
'I think it's gonna be all right. Yeah, the worst is over now. The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball.' (incidentally, I think Simon & Garfunkel's 'Red Rubber Ball' is probably the song I've liked best this year)

via Jimmy and Sarah

Unpretty

For some reason, my coworkers have recently become obsessed with the idea that I used to wear makeup and skirts and have really long hair. So I was looking this evening through a couple of pictures of myself from my senior year of high school and freshman year of college. And I really want to bring these photos in to show them that I did indeed have a feminine side (mostly for schock value). But I'm really waffling on it, and this is kind of weird for me.

When I look at these pictures, I can't help but think that I used to be pretty. I always felt I was beautiful, but when I look back, I was actually kind of pretty. The thing is, I'm really not anymore. I think I've become rather homely in the past year and a half. Even up until maybe this past spring, I felt vaguely attractive, if not beautiful. But I'm becoming really schleppy looking. My hair, which, when I was thinner, looked really cute when it was short. Now, it's kind of dull, stick-uppy dykey. The clothes I'm wearing are the same ones I've been wearing for literally a year and a half, so I don't even feel like I'm wrapping myself in something presentable. I just feel like I look like I've given up. I'm fatter, I'm duller (in appearance), and I don't have the self-loving confidence that I used to have.

I really think that more than anything, I'm afraid that they'll see me before and think, 'God, what happened?' Part of me is thinking, though, that it doesn't matter what they think, and ultimately, I'm glad that that part of me is up and thinking again.

Knit News

In lieu of going crazy this week, a la finals week at Albion, I have decided to take the advice of my dearest and work on getting a couple of the dolls for my little brother's xmas present done rather than all eight of them...before next Monday. I don't think I've told y'all about what I'm knitting, have I?

Basically, my littlest brother doesn't understand why I moved away (he was crushed when I went to college and to Ireland, and then when Steve, on Blue's Clues went to college, too, he decided that college was e-vil). And since we're all getting older and going separate ways, I thought I would knit him some dolls of our family so that we'd always be together and always with him. Here are the eight of us:

In the back we have Grandma, older little brother, littlest brother, stepfather, and me (I'm the one standing up with a needle in the neck...as I'm working on my hair). In the front we have Grandpa, Mom, and Sarah. So the two I'm going to finish by xmas will be the littlest brother and me, and then I'll finish the rest as soon after xmas as possible to send them on and get on with my non-holiday knitting. Woo!

This is a close-up of the one I finished this evening. It's my stepdad, and I'm kind of geekily excited about his beard.

I think that the doll resembles either the dude from This Old House or the love child of Princess Leia and Chewbacca. But isn't it neat? I'm excited. Hee hee. So far, I've got the hair done on Grandpa, both brothers, and stepdad, I'm working on mine (I get boy hair and so does Sarah 'cause ours is short), and I have cool hair planned for Grandma and Mom. It'll be neat, I have to say. I'll post finished picks when I have them.

Anyhow, I had a very nice birthday, thanks to a whole slew of e-cards and good wishes from folks out there in the blogging world and my real world. And Sarah worked so hard to make my birthday special, and it really was. She baked me a cake and got us dinner at one of my fave pizza places, and she got me the one thing I wanted more than anything--a box of yarn. Yea! I wish that the holiday knitting was over and done with so I could attack the box and knit the hell out of some socks. Mmmmm....socks....

First, a Skewering

This is another one of those rants at someone without naming that someone. Ahem.

Why do you insist on weaseling your way into my life? You're one of those people who I know I should feel sorry for, but for whom instead, I feel nothing but complete and utter annoyance. I can't stand the things you talk about, and I hate that you insist on having these esoteric, exclusive conversations to impress upon me how important and special you are for being able to have a conversation in which I'm not included, but I find you most abhorant for your apparent inability to allow others to speak. You either talk so much that you don't allow others to participate or you plow right over anyone who's trying to talk, and that's just a sign of incredibly low self-esteem, not power. It's incredibly obvious that you really want to believe that you're cool and great, but you'd be able to convince us all a hell of a lot more easily if you didn't try so damned hard. You have a lot of potential, and I wish you'd realize somewhere else because I'm just sick of you. Please, please, please go away. Let me have my life back as it used to be before you arrived. It was so much nicer without you.

Mother Fucking Fuckity Fuck FUCK!

So as you know, the heat has been out in our building all week. And we got a notice today that we're not to rely 'solely' upon the radiators because they only come on when it drops below 40. Granted--I recognize that. But they said that we need to tell them immediately if our wall unit is not working properly so that they can resolve the problem. And gosh, we told them that ours was blowing cold air what? A week ago? And we're going to have to spend another weekend relying 'solely' upon our radiators and the tiny ass fucking unsafe, energy-sucking SPACE HEATER they gave us to HEAT OUR ENTIRE APARTMENT? At least the radiators are working tonight. At least.

But get this--I get a call from the callbox to my cellphone at about 12.30 today. It's a UPS guy, and he wants me to buzz him in so he can leave a box from Omaha Steaks by the mailboxes. Great. He doesn't say it's specifically for us, but I presume it is 'cause Sarah's aunt and uncle got us some last year, so I buzz him in. I left work early today (skipped lunch), and when I got home less than three hours later, there was no package. Someone stole our fucking package. And I look down to find that there is a box there for us from amazon, and guess what--someone sliced it open, presumably decided they didn't want what Sarah had ordered, and left it sitting there open.

Oh my fucking god, I am LIVID. So I called the USPS' 800-number because they have the annex's real number buried on the site, and I got to leave a message that will be forwarded on to the appropriate people. Yeah. Then I found the number for our local office, and I called only to be told the same thing I was told last time I complained--they'll tell the carrier to stop leaving stuff that doesn't fit in our box on the floor. Uh-fucking-huh.

And then I called the leasing office to ask why our wall unit was still not working properly, and I was told that they had left for the day (weekend), and I could reach them Monday. We've always been told that the leasing office was open until 5p. Yeah--unless it's Friday afternoon and the roads are a little wet, right? Because the whole world gets out of work before 4.30 or whenever they deemed it time to leave.

The only good thing about this whole fucking afternoon came from Omaha Steaks. I called them to find out if they could let me know if a package had been sent to us or if it had been someone else. I explained to them the situation, and they said that if it had not been left at the leasing office (which I can't find out until Monday), I can call them back, and they will reship the order that had been sent to us. I think that's pretty great. So if you happen to like meat or know someone who does, I'm recommending them based purely on their customer service. Because I'm finding out that that's what really matters.

An Essay

Since I don't really have much of value to post at the moment (as I am distracted by what should have been a great show: The Apprentice: Martha Stewart...because I just can't pull my eyeballs from the horror...), I decided to share with you all the last night of my life at 23. So I give you a photo essay complete with commentary from yours truly.

And incidentally, I really feel that I should point out three songs that have sort of bothered me today. The first is John Mayer's 'Daughters' - not because I heard it, but because I read Jamelah's post about it, and instantly, it was glued to my aural nerves. The second is 'Karma Chameleon' as warped by that guy in the commercial where he's trying not to seem lame by singing 'Karma Chameleon' so he downloads a ringtone for 'Where's the Hood At?' or something, and then he sings the two together...sort of. 'Nananananananana where's the hood at? Where's the hood? Where's it aaaaat?' Yeah. Asshole. And the third one is 'Fix You' by Coldplay. Not because I dislike the song--it's been overdone, sure--but because they totally sold the fluck out by putting the song in (at least) the adverts for King Kong. Fucking-A, those poseurs.

Anyhow, I give you my night:

Our evenings are pretty much ruled by the weather. It's cold out, and one would think that at this stage in our lives, we wouldn't need to worry about freezing our asses off. Ha! Our building's boilers are broken, and so we're left with a wall unit that moonlighted as our AC this summer. It's feeling reminiscent about those days because mostly, it blows lukewarm air.

To remedy that, our assfuckingtacular building management decided to loan us a space heater. Which is great if you're three inches from it.


I would be totally psyched if I was wearing these:

These are the socks I knit for my Secret Pal. They're purple superwash wool (Cascade 220 Superwash), and they're long and ribbed so beautifully. I'm very proud of them, and I can't wait to knit some socks for myself.

Instead, I get to wear my favorite shoes--my black and white Chucks. For some reason, I totally hate the low Chucks, but the hi-top Chucks rock my world. Of course, if it was any warmer, I would be barefoot, but whatever. Incidentally, this is my favorite pic of the group. Call it a self-portrait. Woo.


Everyone else has been trying to keep warm too. Here's Maddie curled up on the electric blanket in sleepy anticipation of bedtime when we will turn on the blanket. It's kitty crack, that blanket is. They just stretch out on it and sort of go all limp and zen. I think it looks like Maddie's awash on a sea of blanket. Swim on, Maddie. Swim on.


Interjection: Best line ever on Martha's Apprentice has to be, 'And after our horseback ride, we can play Scrabble!' Because Martha was more excited about the prospect of playing that game than she's been almost all season.

Indy has probably been the best example of how not to survive the cold that I could imagine. For the past several days, she's been curled up into a rigid little ball on the back of the sofa. Tonight, however, she decided to wander up to the top of the entertainment center. Where, I presume, she is even colder...what with the three windows within a few feet of her. But true to her nature, she is proving to be ever the prissy lady who just didn't want to be photographed.

Gosh, look who's avoiding me again.

Look away!


In case you were wondering, Sarah has been very busy this evening too. She made our lunches for tomorrow.

And she wrote out a bunch of her xmas cards.

But perhaps most important, is this:

Behold!, the birthday cake! Woooo-hooooo! And if you were here, you could totally have some. Tomorrow. When it's my birthday. But not sooner (trust me--I asked). Isn't she sweet?

But once I'm done typing this, I'll be busy myself. This is pretty much my life for the next couple of weeks: a blanket to keep warm, my holiday knitting, and a cookbook for the dinner planning (this one is Darina Allen's Ballymaloe School of Cookery cookbook). Lots of things on the plate, but it's going to be a well-rounded few weeks.


That's pretty much it. My last night at 23 in all its glory. I'm such a party aminal. Rawr.

Blathering Idiot

So the xmas knitting is coming along, though I'm starting to get a little stressed about it. I'm done with five people--Grandma, Grandpa, my stepdad, my brother (who gets a gift card), and Sarah's dad--and I'm aaaaaaalmost done with my mother, but I have yet to start on Sarah's mom's gifty (that's reserved for the weekish between mailing out the box to my family and when they arrive...aaaaah!), and I'm probably a third of the way done with my littlest brother's gifty, which is proving to be a massive undertaking.

See, I didn't really think it would be such a big deal. But remember, I have absolutely no concept of relative size. So where the teddy bear I knitted for Holly, which I thought was going to be at least larger than my palm, ended up being, oh, about the size of my cell phone. Yeah, this is like that, only the opposite. If you're in the knitting know, I'm using a modified version of the rockstar dolls in Stitch 'n Bitch Nation (woooooo! I can modify a pattern!). For those of you who have no idea what SNB is, well, the doll is probably going to end up being about the size of a tremendously obese Barbie (imagine Fat Bastard from Austin Powers as a Barbie width). And I had this warped idea that it was going to be a hell of a lot smaller. But I'm misleading you here by saying 'it,' because I'm actually knitting 8 of these things. I'm working on the first part of the last doll right now. I'm saying I'm a third of the way done because knitting the top half and knitting the bottom half are only two thirds, and I've only knit the top halves of these things. It takes a shitload of time to embroider the faces and give these things hair. Oh. My. God. Why did I think this wouldn't take any time at all?!

But it's coming along. It really is. And I really believe I'll be able to finish everything up. I'm just not going to be able to sleep as much between now and xmas as I thought I would.

And speaking of xmas! I'm totally freaking out about what to cook for the big holiday meal. I did a really kickass job last year, and I really want to do an awesome job this year. But I can't figure out what to make. Nothing traditional...at least not Midwestern traditional. I was kind of thinking I might rely on either the French culinary tradition or the Southern culinary tradition. Either one offers a lot of opportunities for exploration and execution. But I want to plan it out well. And I want to make it huge. Lots of side dishes and really good main ones. What I want to do is be this crazily organized chef who has everything lined up in terms of when to do things and being as prepared as possible. And I want to do a really great xmas breakfast because we never did a special holiday breakfast in my family, and I'd really like to do that this year. I know it's a big idea I've got in my head, but if I could just figure out what I wanted to do, I think I could pull it off.

And I have a big admission. It's that time of year when I start feeling really conflicted. Because I really want people to remember me, but I don't want to have to remind them to remember me. So if they forget my birthday, I sort of feel humbled and righteous because I wasn't all that important to begin with. I really, really want my birthday to be special, but I feel guilty if I tell folks that my birthday's coming up because I don't want to inconvenience them. Isn't that lame? I think it makes sense though because people with December really get the shaft from the beginning. It really sucked as a little kid getting the same Barbie as my cousin that was both my birthday present and my Christmas present, and then she got a separate Barbie three months later for her birthday present. Kids don't understand that. Hell, I'm an adult, and I still don't understand that. Why should my birthday be less special because I was born near a holiday? I feel really selfish and lame writing that in general.

But Jimmy remembered my birthday. Thanks for the books, Ymmij! And thanks especially for being the first to brighten my birthday season. I'm very excited to read them (well, when the holiday knitting ends and I can read again...ahem), and to answer your question, I don't think that what you described is a first date. (and just for the record, Sarah has lots of exciting things planned for my birthday, and I'm totally psyched, so don't think I'm giving her the short end of the deal...'cause she's totally not doing that to me)

Ahem. Anyhow, I need to get ready for beddy and to knit as much as I can. Give me an update topic! I have all these things I want to write about at work, but when I write them down at work, I think they sound really stupid later...so I kind of have mental dry spells. Maybe I should post a picture of the dolls... Anyway. Yeah. Give me an idea.